It’s opening day for ‘King Kong’ and I’m getting ready to go see it at the 3:35 showing. Jess was looking up reviews for it and I must say I’m very happy to read what looks like equally good reviews and bad reviews. Not by critics, but by the public. I’m glad to see this because this means it’s not watered down, and you’ll either love it or hate it. This just shows that Peter Jackson didn’t try to please everyone, he just tried to please himself. Which is exactly what artists should always do.
Anyways, it seems that people who like ‘Narnia’ don’t like ‘KONG’. Well thank god ‘Narnia’ sucked. So I know ‘Kong’ will be amazing. By the way if you all want a good laugh go read the Yahoo! reader movie reviews for ‘Narnia.’ My favorite one is titled, ‘Praise GOD!’ Oh it’s awesome. The basic gist was, “all children should go see this wonderful film. Finally there’s a movie that spreads the word of god unlike those witch craft promoting ‘Harry Potter’ movies.” That’s obviously not a exact quote, but it’s damn well close. I’m just too lazy to go look it up again and be subjected to the onslaught of the morons that live in the world.
So the line seems to have been drawn, ‘Narnia’ or ‘KONG’. If you liked ‘Narnia’ then I’m sorry to tell you you’re a cinematic moron…for the following reasons…
5 REASONS WHY NARNIA SUCKED
1. The main theme song of the movie was VERY poorly done, and was very childish. Not in a ‘this evokes my inner child’ way, but in a very immature and unskilled way. I kept expecting Josh Groban to chime in with a heartfelt, ‘Chillllldddreennn.’
2. The story played very slowly, and it didn’t feel like it ever got onto it’s feet. There was no vail of illusion, and I was very aware that I was watching a movie instead of experiencing something. Which is something a movie should naturally do, ESPECIALLY a fantasy movie.
3. The visual effects as a whole, with the BIG exception of the amazing work done on the Lion and the Battle sequences towards the end, were below usual standards. Matte paintings looked like matte paintings. Minature looked like minatures. And everything had the aire of the people working on the film, were busy working on something else.
4. After an afternoon of ‘practicing’ these kids suddently know how to fight in a war. Chosen one’s or not, it at least took dying for Neo to get his shit together.
5. Santa Claus gives the kids weapons. What the hell? What happened to rocking horses, or jack in the boxes? And for a movie that all Christians seemed to love, didn’t it bother anyone else that this movie made Santa the center of Christmas, not freakin’ JC? Oh wait, maybe that’s because this film is so two dimensional that it had to beat you over the head with the alagory that the Lion…is JESUS! And the Weta made props looked very much like….Weta made props. They looked like they got an order for ‘Narnia’ while they were making ‘KONG’ and they just went into the backroom and pulled out some swords from the LOTR.
So to sum it all up, ‘Narnia’ felt like a side project, rather than the sweeping epic it could have been. The only thing I could say that I liked about this flick was the Lion. Not only because this VSFX was VERY well done, it was also voiced by Qui-Gon. Sweeeet.
KONG good, Narnia BADDDDDDDDDD….